Widely regarded as one of the worst “movie” ever made (IMDb 2.0/10, RT 0%), Troll 2 was a direct-to-video movie which became a sort of cult classic because of how horrendous it is. Helmed by Italian director Claudio Fragasso, this movie manages to do the impossible: Feature every single aspect of awful film-making unintentionally. From incredibly wooden acting to a completely inappropriate soundtrack and ridiculous looking costumes, you will get a full serving of incompetence.
First thing first, clarification is required as Troll 2 is not a sequel from the 1986 horror movie Troll. The two movies actually have no connection with each other. Additionally, you should know that the movie has nothing to do with trolls despite its name. To quickly summarize the story: Annoying brat Joshua Waits (Michael Stephenson) is contacted by his dead grandfather, Seth (Robert Ormsby), who informs him that goblins roaming the world force or trick humans into consuming poisoned food–plastered with fluorescent green goo no less– which will turn them into vegetables. The goblins would then eat them. Joshua’s mentally handicapped family takes a trip to a small town named Nilbog (“Goblin” spelled backward, so clever), which grandpa warned against. Now it’s up to Joshua, dead grandpa Seth, and a bologna sandwich to save the family from the evil Goblin Queen, who will stop at nothing to turn the boy and his family into food for her goblins.
The only reason Troll 2 is somewhat watchable– although in an exhausting way– is because of the flood of unintentional comedy in the movie. It is so horrid that it feels like a spoof but sadly, it is not! It all starts with the cast who is uniformly cringe-worthy. The sincere but unbearably inept attempts by all the actors involved is really a sight to behold. There is no adjective in the dictionary that can characterize how horrendous the acting is. Michael Stephenson looks constipated and makes grotesque faces the entire movie while Connie Young, who plays the sister, is completely clueless on how to deliver lines. The crown, however, goes to Margo Prey, who easily takes the first prize for worst performance ever captured on film. For most of the movie, she is completely expressionless and delivers her lines as if reading from a teleprompter. When she does express some emotions, they are completely inappropriate and out-of-sync with her dialogue or the tone of the movie.
The screenplay is absolutely pure garbage with a silly plot that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever and is riddled with logical fallacies such as completely random scene order, lack of continuity, characters that appear for no reason whatsoever, and other facts that are never explained. Combine that with the amateurish acting and you get an assortment of oddly incongruous sequences put together in a movie that is completely devoid of a tone or atmosphere from start to finish. The dialogue itself is absolutely putrid with no redeeming quality whatsoever. There is also plenty of awkward scenes such as the 3 boys sleeping without a shirt in the same bed or the wannabee porn scene near the end. Really, this flick reaches the bottom of the abyss in all aspect and the saddest part is that the director is still convinced to this day that he made a good movie!
Special mention must be made of the horrid soundtrack which does not complement what is happening on screen at all and must have been put together by a 12-yr old who found an old keyboard in his basement. I’m not making this up: the first sequence features a horde of goblins chasing a man through the woods to the tune of some cheap 80′s techno beat. The costumes are literally the worst you will ever see with the goblins looking neither scary nor creepy. They simply look utterly ridiculous with midgets running around with over-sized paper masks on their head. The “special ” effects are hilariously bad with profuse amount of green menthol syrup being used and even a ridiculous-looking sequence of a goblin throwing a spear at one of the character. Apparently, the movie runs at 95 minutes but it felt excruciatingly slow and more like 4 hours. I literally had to take a nap midway through to recover some energy this movie sapped away!
Incomprehensibly horrendous in every single aspects, Troll 2 should extract a few laughs at how stupefyingly atrocious it really is but even that gets old and exhausting very quickly. If you really want to see this, you better get drunk first!
Lesson of the Day:
Notes: 95 minutes