As I was on my way to see Ivan Reitman’s latest Romantic Comedy, I braced myself for what could be an atrocious experience. I don’t often find myself having to prepare my state of being before going to a film, but every once and awhile, I will take a chance on something that has a fairly bleak outlook. My main attraction in going to No Strings Attached was Natalie Portman. I will admit that by simply casting her in a film, you have already caught my attention. The fact that she is about to have her first child, and try the whole family thing, leaves me to believe that after this year, it may be quite some time before we are graced with her presence on the big screen once again. So, I took a chance. I expected the worst. And I came out unscathed. Really I have nothing to complain about. I knew what I was getting myself into, and ultimately it was about what I expected. I didn’t particularly like it, but I also didn’t absolutely hate it either. It is what it is, and I can be content with that.

Let’s start by saying that Portman delivered. Like a 13 year old boy with a crush, I tend to fall in love with Portman, as the girl that every guy wishes that he can have as his own. She is so emotionally real in the sense that her character could be trumping around town, killing loads of people, and I would still feel a connection with her as an actress portraying a real person. I think that is what makes her so attractive to the general audience member. She has charm and wits about her that allow her to step into most any role, and pull it off despite all the other factors possibly being a failure. In this film, she was the one saving grace.

I am also a pretty big fan of Greta Gerwig, who plays Portman’s friend and co-worker. In very much the same way as with Portman, I feel like Gerwig captures the qualities of humanity that reveal her character as a real person, rather than just some big time star with no real idea how life for a normal person works. Both actresses are believable in their roles, and I think that is one of the most important aspects of what makes a great film. The problem is that Gerwig’s role is so miniscule that her presence isn’t enough to help bolster the film. Unlike in Greenberg, where she plays a pivotal role in bringing that film from a level of mediocrity to being a decently good film. I look forward to seeing her role in Russell Brand’s new film, Arthur.

Moving on down the line, we arrive at Ashton Kutcher. Kutcher tends to irritate me in most stuff. He is a prime example of how I don’t like my actors to be. I feel like he sees himself as being bigger than the role, and therefore that shows through in the film’s content. I must confess that I really haven’t seen him in anything other than comedies, but I have never truly enjoyed anything he has done with exception of That 70′s Show. I think his personality works well in that instance, and he comes across, at times, as being legitimately funny. Going into this film, my expectations were low, and that bode well for me. I wasn’t nearly as as turned off by him as I thought I would be. In fact, I even confused him for being actually genuine for moments in time. I think much of my sympathy for him came solely because of his character’s passion and desire to be with Portman. In which case, if you would replace Portman with someone like Cameron Diaz or Keira Knightley, both of whom I can’t stand, I think I would find myself once again being irritated by his performance. With that being said, once again, I wouldn’t have seen this film though had Diaz or Knightley been in that role. But where Portman is the master of showing emotion, Kutcher pushes himself to the limit, and doesn’t quite get there.

Here is where things go really sour. The story is simple. It has been told over and over again. Guy likes Girl, Girl just wants to have sex, but is afraid of commitment. In fact, already this year we are expecting a film with a premise almost identical (Friends with Benefits). Not to mention last year’s Love and Other Drugs. Although the latter had a more interesting plot line and the writing was pretty good despite playing into every romance cliche known to man. I wish I could say the same about the writing for No Strings Attached, but unfortunately I cannot. If you are going to do something as overdone as the premise that we have here, than you need to construct a close to flawless screenplay. I have no reservations in saying that Elizabeth Meriwether’s script is quite the opposite. The dialogue is so awkward and unreal that often I found myself laughing out of embarrassment more so than by the pure nature of the jokes. There is a reason that Meriwether has never written for the big screen before, and frankly I hope she never does again. Or else she needs to go back to school, or work privately with Aaron Sorkin.

Kevin Kline’s character as the father was pathetic. He wasn’t funny, and there were absolutely no redeeming features. The whole High School Musical/Glee aspect was quite terrible too. Why would Kutcher’s character be involved with something that trivial? It just seemed so out of place. In addition to that, the whole awkward Lake Bell obsession with Kutcher was uncomfortable. I am completely aware of the fact that it was meant to be, but when it is so over the top like that, then there should be interjections of humor involved, and there just wasn’t. Really, I was just hoping that she would get hit by a car, or something.

Ivan, Ivan, Ivan, what are you doing? Not that he has ever made really great film. But a lot of his past work is considered to be comedic classics (Ghostbusters, Stripes). At the least, most of his films have been fairly entertaining. But this time, there was nothing there. He brought absolutely nothing to the table as the film completely relies on Portman’s performance to find anything positive to say about it. I think Senior Reitman needs to start taking notes from his son, and the absolutely brilliant work he has done in his short tenure as a filmmaker. Jason has proven that not only is he a successful and creative screenwriter himself, but he is capable of selecting great work by other screenwriters. Maybe Ivan is just getting to old for this kind of work, which makes me fear the recently announced third installment of Ghostbusters III, which is set to come out in 2012 with the original cast plus some. Whatever the case, I expected more from Ivan Reitman, and he disappointed to that extent.

In the end, I can’t complain. I knew what I was getting myself into, but at the same time, I feel it is my duty to report back on what I witnessed. For anyone that is a fan of Portman, it is worth seeing to further prove to you that she is infinitely better than many components of the films that she stars in. She took a film that should have been a direct to DVD piece of work, and made it worth watching. If you are looking for a good comedy, look elsewhere. If you are look to just pass the time than maybe it is worth your time. Just prepare yourself for a less than riveting affair that is poorly written, and was appropriately released in the opening months of the year, where most films go to die a less painful death, making some of their money back but with a sense of shame in doing so.

C-

Notes: Rated R for sexual content, language and some drug material, 108 minutes.

For those of you who have already seen this film, what did you think? Did you think it was as bad as I did? Did you like it? For those who haven’t seen it, do you have any interest? Opinions on Portman, Gerwig, Kutcher, and Reitman?