“Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides” is Dull and Witless
A Six-Minute Disney Ride Can Amount To A Whole Lot of … Money
Famed director Rob Marshall isn’t a slouch as shown by his past efforts that include best picture winner Chicago and the critically acclaimed Letters of a Geisha. However, you wouldn’t be able to decipher such accolades from his latest movie Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides. His struggles to find a balance between action and comedy make one thing clear: the fourth installment of this high-octane, action adventure franchise has nearly lost all its wit and charm. To boot, the movie has been converted to 3D, projecting a dimmer picture and more importantly, stealing your hard earned cash.
This fourth installment of the franchise sees Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) embarking on yet another extravagant journey. This time, his mission is to find the Fountain of Youth. His quest soon takes a detour when former lover, Angelica (Penelope Cruz) and her father Blackbeard (Ian McShane) – an infamous and formidable pirate – force Sparrow aboard their ship. As Tides transpires into its prolonged third act, many subplots emerge including a Minister who falls in love with a mysterious Mermaid as well as Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) and Spanish conquistadors who are also apparently searching for the Fountain of Youth. All of this adds up to a convoluted, sluggish though periodically entertaining storyline.
Johnny Depp still brings the charm and charisma that makes each of his film watchable. Jack Sparrow is one of the most recognizable protagonists of the past decade and Depp deserves every bit off recognition for that feat. Unfortunately, his co-star Penelope Cruz makes Antonio Banderas’ English sound as fluent as Colin Firth’s in The King’s Speech and she is grossly miscast. A comparison is perhaps not fair but Knightley brought some nuance to her role, something Cruz does everything but. Ian McShane, who plays Blackbeard, is not evil or menacing enough to get frightened over. And even Rush, fresh of his Oscar-nominated performance, feels out of tune.
Still, it’s not the middling performances that drag the latest Pirates of the Caribbean movie down. It’s the tedious and unfocused script by Terry Rossio and Ted Elliot. None of the films in this moneymaking franchise contained a brilliant script and they never needed to. The action was exhilarating while the sarcastic and narcissistic humor was always present and that was enough to guarantee an entertaining time at the movie theater. Sadly, the same cannot be said here.
At the end of the day, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides will still make a bombastic amount of money, and perhaps mildly satisfy most of the franchise’s loyal viewers. It is a slight improvement on its predecessor, the unholy Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, but that’s not saying much. The movie doesn’t gain the momentum it needs to be fully enjoyable and the action sequences are second rate, edited in a frame-by-frame fashion that doesn’t exist in this space-time continuum. All the things we have grown to love about the Pirates franchise is missing or at best, diminished.
As for the rumors going around that there will be a fifth installment, one can only hope the filmmakers learn from their mistakes because after the fourth film, it has become clearly evident that this aging franchise is based off a six-minute Disney ride.
D+
(✭1/2/✭✭✭✭)
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17 Comments
Why jam that many plot lines into a story? Good review Sam.
Beyond me Fitz.
I never really enjoyed this franchise. Had no interest in seeing the 2nd or 3rd one even when they are on TV (like every weekend) so I highly doubt I will ever give this a look. Good work Sam
Only the first one is actually worth the watch. The rest should have been straight-to-DVD releases.
I really enjoyed the first one – and contrary to the consensus, I liked the second picture. The third one, eh, not so much.
The series should have ended after the first film.
I honestly had no idea this movie was in 3D until today.
Me either!
That was until I went into the press screening and people were handing out those ugly glasses.
I believe some tears came afterward …. or that may have been when the picture concluded?
Not sure.
Both pitiful.
The 3D in the night scenes just don’t work (especially with the Ben Franklin sized glasses they give you) so I took them off, only putting them on in the day time scenes. Not the worst 3D I’ve seen but not really worth the time or money.
I really liked this despite the plot holes and forced elements. Could have done without some things but it’s the closest to the first one yet and made up for 3 that’s for sure.
Loved McShane but he could have been developed more. Cruz gets on my nerves but the plus is that finally it looks like they’re attempting to figure out something decent for Barbossa’s character.
Rush was over-the-top ~ more so than usual.
I also took of my glasses throughout the film – made no difference. Still put them back on when it got blurry … which was not all that often.
Oh man, I agree with everything you say here Sam. You warned me haha. I saw it in 2D, so I managed to avoid the annoyance of the glasses. Despite having no flair and being completely absent of the fun that made the first film memorable, the entire plot felt so calculated and most of the action sequences and locations were rehashed versions of those used in ‘Black Pearl’. Despite this there were still people in my cinema who clapped and cheered at the end. Oh dear!
Calculated is about right ~ I enjoyed your review as well.
I am so disappointed…boring, not that much as expected. The previous part were Awesome !!!
Albeit #3
Cant believe this is getting such bad press. Havent yet seen it, but will be tomorrow. I was sure this would bring the franchise out of the depths of the poor plot lines and stupid running time of the previuos two films.
I was a massive fan of the first film so I will always have a soft spot for the films I’m affraid.
If you truly love the other films, than you have to see it. Despite the press it may be receiving.
Don’t let others make up your opinion ~ though, just don’t tell me I didn’t warn you ;D
How did I miss the Pirates ride at Disneyland? They musn’t have had it at Eurodisney. It inspired a memorable line JP as well when Malcolm says: “When the pirates of the Caribbean breaks down the pirates don’t eat the tourists”. It was a great idea for a movie but they made that movie. It’s time to let go and move on. The orange was a great idea too but there’s a reason why people drink the juice and throw away the pulp. It’s time for hollywood to clean the pulp out of their giant juicer(Analogy over).
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