“Something Borrowed” is Something Horrific
Something Borrowed is one of the most contrived, unfunny, and unrealistic endeavors to be produced in quite some time. Here’s a film that doesn’t offer a lick of genuine sentiment, or for that matter a believable relationship. But in 2011 that’s nothing new. So what makes Luke Greenfield’s newest effort so despicable? Perhaps it’s the disingenuous monologues about “love” and “speaking your mind” sporadically placed throughout the film. Or the sappy score by Alex Wuman. Or the climatic sequence that may-as-well have been a re-run of a Jerry Springer show. Or perhaps it’s the dialogue that treats the audience as if they have the brain capacity of a third grader. My answer: All of the above.
In a laconic sense the plot of Something Borrowed follows New York City lawyer Rachel (Ginnifer Goodwin) as best friend Darcy (Kate Hudson) is about to get married to Dex (Colin Egglesfield) within two months. Problem is Rachel is still in love with Dex from when they first met during law school, and after the two share a passionate kiss on Rachel’s 30th birthday, pandemonium is unleashed. Add into the mix an understanding friend named Ethan (John Krasinski), about a half dozen scenes that make you cringe, and there you have it: a dull, uninspired, and disgraceful entry into the declining rom-com genre.
Now that I’ve described the film in a nutshell, imagine jokes centered on false sexual relationships and broken noses and screenwriting that makes The Notebook look as original as High Fidelity. Mix in a love triangle that’s about as convincing as the Twilight series and when the final credits start rolling, picture a longing sadness inside of you. Yes, it’s that depressing.
Greenfield’s picture wouldn’t be so intolerable if any of the characters had just sat down and decided to have an honest conversation with one another. Sadly, it seems these people aren’t smart enough to do so? Last time I checked you don’t become a lawyer based on your looks. Then again, that notion only applies to the real world and Something Borrowed certainly has no connection whatsoever with it.
As if the self-absorbing characters weren’t enough for screenwriter Jennie Snyder, the script follows every Hollywood romantic-comedy convention known to mankind. The sadistic score that is meant to dictates ones mood while watching, a character crying in the rain, realizing they’ve made a mistake and confrontations that end in dialogue like “Why didn’t you kiss me?”
In the end, Something Borrowed boils down to one of the most unpleasant cinematic experiences I have endured this year. It’s grating, lazy, and underdeveloped to a pulp. Despite a couple of solid performances from Goodwin and Krasinski (and maybe one laugh), there’s nothing that can save this sinking boat. I don’t even feel bad for the talent involved here — they earned a paycheck for their work -– and we, the audience, are out ten dollars and 103 minutes of our lives we will never get back.
Something Borrowed is something dismal. Case closed.
F
(1/2✭/✭✭✭✭)
Notes: Rated PG-13 for sexual content including dialogue, and some drug material.
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18 Comments
Thanks for watching this so that I never have to.
Two hours of my life I’ll never get back.
Two hours? My God! Aren’t these things usually just 90 minutes?
It was an 1:40 – but the depression afterwards adds up to about two hours.
So how long before everyone agrees Ginnifer Goodwin is never going to become the next ‘it’ girl for Hollywood?
It’s pretty tough to do it when you basically haven’t done anything in your career. Her most well known role is probably from Walk the Line where she had about 7 minutes of screen time.
Uni your remark could easily apply to Ms. Hudson.
Boy do I long for “Tiny Dancer” and “Almost Famous”
The trailer is just horrid. I can’t decide which girl is more annoying, as both Hudson and Goodwin are both irritating on both end of the spectrum. It doesn’t help that Colin whatshisname is so utterly unbelievable as a law student!
Are you trying to tell me law students don’t stand out in the rain professing their love to a woman, date a freak of nature, or look like a male model?
How could you! ;D
Thought as much. Won’t be seeing this. The wife probably will, but not while I’m in the house.
Hi, this is me turning around and never watching this movie!!!
Thanks for the heads up!
Custard
I’m still not sure why I sat through this entire movie — probably because I paid $10 (ouch!) to see it. Krasinski was the only part of this steaming pile of rom-com crap that I vaguely enjoyed, and he gets written out of the conclusion when he’s clearly the right choice. What a waste of 90 minutes!
By the way, I LOVE the headline you gave this review. Totally clever AND accurate.
I suggested to M.Carter in his review that there should be a ban on Kate Hudson.
Can anyone name a great performance that she did that isn’t “Almost Famous”? I can’t think of anything at all. In fact, I believe that “Almost Famous” was a fluke. I watched “Bride Wars” on TV and… yeah that was awful. I felt sorry for Anne Hathaway who is a way better actress that deserves to work with someone who is her equal. I found Hudson to be extremely unnatural and her eyes were very distracting. It felt like I was watching a robot or something.
I was watching the trailer in the theater with a friend who had read the book this was “based” on. She did not recognize any of the scenes matching stuff in the book. Some of that may have to do with forgetting bits of the source material (very likely) but it probably has to do with the mess that they made in adapting.
That told me all I needed to know about this movie. Oh yeah that and the fact that Kate Hudson is in it.
I love “Almost Famous” and her nuanced performance to much to say it was a “fluke” ….. but I’m getting there.
Thank you for the ‘warning’ … I will now avoid this movie
Happy to help
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