10 Actors Most Capable Of Saying “I Don’t Want a Scandal, I’m Just Doing My Job”
I recently caught the trailer for the upcoming film The Whistleblower and near the end, Rachel Weisz, playing, I assume, a whistleblower herself, says this line: “I don’t want a scandal , I’m just doing my job.” Ah yes. You hear these sorts of Candy Cane Lines (sweet, easy, and as subtle as a Christmas decoration) in movies all the time. They typically make you groan. Weisz, an actress I like, appeared to do a decent job of delivering it but the line itself, as it must, got me to thinking. What actor/actress could most capably deliver these words?
This would seem initially to lend itself to simply reciting a person’s list of his or her Top 10 Favorite Actors. But it’s not quite that easy. Billy Crudup’s my guy and he could do a serviceable job with that line, sure, but if my life depended on it, if the fate of all of cinema depended on it, is he the one I’d choose? I’m not so sure. Once upon a time I would have said Daniel Day Lewis but in the face of his last couple films I’m libel to think he’d just scream the line at the top of his lungs (a la latter day Al Pacino) and that’s a cheat. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but DDL is out.
It’s also crucial to note this line only counts if spoken in a dramatic situation. Anyone could pull it off in a comedy. This, of course, eliminates people like Robert Downey Jr. or Owen Wilson. Same goes for Brad Pitt who would get that Brad Pitt twinkle in his eye to let you know he’s in on the joke (ditto his wife who would get the Jolie-esque voluptuous smile) and the key to a line like this is that there is no joke to be in on. It’s all real, man. This person doesn’t want a scandal because this person is just trying to do their job. That’s it.
So……who could say it?
10. Robert Duvall
You know the Robert Duvall laugh, right? The small hoarse chuckle that he typically accentuates with an innocent smile? Imagine a bad guy smoking a cigarette ,and perhaps wielding a gun, accusing Duvall of wanting to bring on scandal and then Duvall doing the Duvall laugh, possibly lifting his hands to underscore his innocence, and declaring, “Hey. Come on now. I don’t want a scandal, I’m just doing my job.”
9. Kate Winslet
Kate The Great’s best course of action in this scenario, I think, is to go for the Exasperated Winslet Voice. Think of her being overwhelmed by her daughter in Little Children or her husband in Revolutionary Road. She wouldn’t even be upset about this accusation, she’d just find it irritating and tiring and shake her head and roll her eyes and maybe the add that skeptical Winslet “ha!” and say, “What on earth makes you think I’d want a scandal? I’m just trying to do my job.”
8. Jamie Foxx
Here you can’t think of club-hoppin’, champagne-room-hangin’ Jamie Foxx, you have to think of the cab driver from Collateral. Frazzled, out of his element, and dressed like a flood victim. The bad guy threatening him. And Foxx, low key and desperate, pledging, rather softly, “Look man, I don’t a scandal, I’m just doing my job. That’s all. Just, you know…doing my job.”
7. Phillip Seymour Hoffman
Remember the scene in Magnolia where, as Jason Robards’ caretaker, he makes the phone call in which he’s trying to track down Robards’ estranged son and he says to the guy on the other end of the line, “I know this sounds silly and I might sound ridiculous but this is like the scene of the movie where the guy tries to get a hold of the long lost son. But this is that scene.” Now picture that Hoffman on the phone in the news room. “I know this sounds silly and I might sound ridiculous but this is like the scene of the movie where the guy, the intrepid news reporter, tells the people who are trying to get him to shut up that he doesn’t want a scandal, that he’s just trying to do his job. But this is that scene. And I think they have those scenes in movies because they’re true. Because they really happen. And you gotta believe me, this is really happening. Okay? I don’t want a scandal, I’m just doing my job.”
6. Javier Bardem
Emotionless face. Little to no body movement. Monotone voice. No inflections. The Bardem accent. “I don’t want a scandal, I’m just doing my job.”
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29 Comments
Although Bardem would probably murder and/or sex you after saying it.
That would be a much different version of “The Whistleblower.”
Interesting post, Nick. It made me smile. Tho I disagree with your number one…I just don’t have a thing for Clooney…for me,he speaks the same in all his movies.
I can imagine Al Pacino saying that words
I have to admit, I like George Clooney. I do. I like him in just about everything I see him in, frankly. I certainly have encountered people who don’t feel the same way, though.
Oh, Nick – Cate Blanchett, obviously. Although you get ten extra points for Bening, she won’t slam the table she’ll probably just throw a vase – because she’s classy like that.
(Can we have a top ten of classic actors who could make this work? Marlon Brando for the win.)
I AM looking for to Weisz in this, though, because she is lovely.
Blanchett. Good one. You’re right. She could do it. And I’d LOVE to see Bening throw a vase as a capper. Perfect!
Classic actors….Bogart could do it, obviously. Henry Fonda. Paul Newman. Old school Faye Dunaway would have crushed it.
Interesting list, Nick! Kate Winslet would be top of my list, too. Perhaps Mark Strong? He’s probably say it in a slightly sinister way. I think Jason Isaacs could as well…
Jason Isaacs. That’s a good one. I like that one. The problem with Mark Strong is that he totally WOULD want a scandal. That guy’s got scandal written all over him.
Fact! Rachel Weisz has previously won an Oscar with this kind of role in The Constant Gardener, her husband, played by Ralph Fiennes, taking her ethos to heart.
Another person who could be on this list starred in Silkwood the inspiration for this movie and also became the ethical heart of Lions for Lambs: Meryl Streep.
Meryl. Good call.
Do you think “The Whistleblower” will get her another Oscar nod? I mean, it’s clearly Oscar bait….I might have to see it now.
I called it in January. MovieLine has a ‘bandwagon’ for her now.
I can also totally see Chris Tucker say this line… in a totally wrong way
Wow… it’s be like “IDO’HANNASCANDAL!!! I JUST DO MY JOBA!!!!”
Yes, Chris Tucker’s would be a tad……exuberant.
Creative idea for a list.
Thank you. I have to be honest, I was a little worried people wouldn’t find this idea as amusing as I did. That didn’t turn out to be the case apparently. It makes me happy.
Haha, this is hilarious! I would’ve made similar picks, but ranking them would be a real issue. I would think that maybe ten years ago, Tom Cruise would be able to pull that line off. And I understand why you cut off DDL, but I still would’ve put him on the list. There are a lot of actors I’d love to hear say it, regardless of what it sounds like: James Stewart, William H. Macy, Marlon Brando, Joe Pesci, Philip Baker Hall, Jeff Bridges, etc. I could go on forever, this list really got me thinking.
That’s the thing, this ten is really just MY ten. You could go on and on for days. There are a lot of actors that could say it in the right situation.
This is a genius post. I can totally envision all of these actors saying it, especially Annette Bening. Haha
I wouldn’t be surprised if the offered the role of “The Whistleblower” to Bening first. Not that Rachel won’t do a fine job. I’m sure she will.
Great job Nick! This was a great idea for an article! Can I throw in Paul Giamatti? I can totally hear his voice with a little nervous laugh, looking around the room delivering this line.
Yes. Giamatti. Definitely. I hear you, with that nervous laugh of his, “Woah, woah! Hold up there! I don’t a scandal! All right? I’m just doing my job! What’s the matter with you?!”
Hmm I can’t think of any changes to your awesome list.
But what about it in French? Jean Reno could work. Maybe even Vincent Cassell although I watched Mesrine last night and maybe he would just spit it out with no feeling.
Good list!!
Oh man! Jean Reno would be all over it! And actually, Monica Bellucci, Ms. Cassell, is IN “The Whistleblower.”
mmmmmmm Monica mmmmmmmm
Damm ! Now I’m picturing Bellucci too and I’m a chick!
Well, before we all get too excited it should be noted – if you haven’t seen the trailer – that Monica appears to be sporting some gray hair. Whether this is merely an actorly device, I don’t know. Either way, you can always watch “Malena.”
This is a very amusing post. I hear John Reilly saying it in the plaintive tone of the everyman.
That is awesome. John C. Reilly sings and plays guitar, right? So I think he needs to start a band called Plantive Tone Of The Everyman. Or that could be the first single. One or the other.
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