Why I Watch The Oscars
“I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t made a version of this speech before, I think I was probably eight years old and staring into the bathroom mirror. And this would’ve been a shampoo bottle.”
- Kate Winslet, Academy Awards 2009
A few weeks ago my friend Daryl hosted a Saturday evening poker game and as several of us sat around, indulging in the NFL playoffs and waiting for everyone to arrive, our friend Matt burst through the door stone cold stylin’ in the custom made suit he wore to his wedding. He was subjected to a bit of mockery, because we’re all idiot guys, but I must confess I adored what I secretly considered to be his primary reason for getting all decked up just to deal cards and drink beer in someone’s apartment. Matt is not only married he has a year-and-a-half old son who, as year-and-a-half old sons will, takes up the vast majority of his time. Gone are those carefree days when he could get all dressed up and do the town and stay out until the paperboy dropped off the next morning’s Chicago Tribune. (Do paperboys still drop off morning newspapers? Never mind.)
A few months ago I went out on a date with this girl and at some point during our conversation she confessed to me that she often pretended to give Oscar acceptance speeches (sometimes for directing but usually for acting). Needless to say, I swooned hard, and immediately confessed that I too often pretend to give Oscar acceptance speeches (for Best Original Screenplay because I’m fairly certain I couldn’t pull of an award-winning adaptation). And that, of course, goes back to Kate The Great’s acceptance quote and her shampoo bottle subbing for the real statue and the quaint myth that the Oscars aren’t as much about ad campaigns and backlash and Harvey The Destroyer as they are about – to quote Bruce Springsteen quoting Elvis – Follow(ing) That Dream.
Look, the Oscars don’t always get things right. And even when you think they get things right, well, fifty-dozen other people think they got things wrong. I wanted Natalie Portman to win so much last year I was ready to wage (verbal) warfare against anyone who said otherwise. My friend Castor, on the other hand, did not want Natalie Portman to win. Kate Winslet winning in 2009 was probably my single favorite Oscar moment ‘ever’. My friend Rory, however, supported Melissa Leo in Frozen River as strongly as I supported Natalie last year. Essentially everyone wanted Heath Ledger to win for The Dark Knight. I was rooting for Josh Brolin in Milk. Who was right? Who was wrong? Who knows, and the more time that passes the more I realize the Oscars aren’t as much about “getting things right” as they are getting to watch a bunch of movie stars we pay far too much attention to get together to celebrate the cinema in general.
I reckon a lot of people who indulge in reading Anomalous Material at one time or another harbored a dream to get into the filmmaking business (and perhaps still do or actually are in it). At the risk of getting too personal (which I’ve likely already done anyway), I once harbored that dream. I wrote dozens and dozens of screenplays in my day and my aforementioned friends Daryl and Matt and I for a period of a few years turned ourselves into a makeshift and extravagantly independent movie company – Daryl directed and produced, Matt acted as cinematographer and I served as screenwriter. Whether our attempts were A.) Successful or B.) Spectacularly Unsuccessful (the correct answer is B) isn’t necessarily the point – the point is that I adore the movies so much that for a significant period of my life I wanted more than anything to be part of them.
But, you know, that blasted thing called reality interferes and you eventually learn that unless you want to move to L.A. and dedicate yourself to the business entirely and take crappy underpaying jobs where you are nothing beyond a non-glorified gopher (I remember watching The Break Up being filmed down on Michigan Avenue many years ago and what always stuck with me wasn’t the people going batshit when Jennifer Aniston appeared but the poor dude who kept shuttling back and forth with lattes) and probably still not make it unless you know someone (and I don’t) that’s it a pipe dream – albeit, the most fantastical pipe dream I could ever hope to conjure. And that’s fine. Truly, it is. In the last few years I’ve come to learn I enjoy writing about movies a whole lot more than I enjoyed writing them.
Of course, just because I’ve chosen to move on and retire that dream doesn’t mean I’ve retired dreaming about it. Every once in awhile you still want to get out the shampoo bottle and stand in front of the bathroom mirror and give that acceptance speech, don’t you? And watching the Oscars every year, no matter how stuffy and elitist and idiotic (No Shailene Woodley? Motherfucker, please) they may be, lets me relive that dream for just a few precious hours. That isn’t so bad.
In fact, this year I might just wear on my own custom made suit to watch them.
28 Comments
Ha! This is a great post. I have to admit that I threatened to not go to work the next day if Heath Ledger didn’t win for The Dark Knight. Thankfully he did.
I’m pretty sure on some level even Josh Brolin was rooting for Heath Ledger. He knew he wasn’t winning anyway.
I truly understand you. I really like watching the Oscars and I also love to train all acceptance speeches every now and then. That is the reason why I love Kate winslet speeche, because I really understood what she was feeling at that exact moment. In my dreams, I win the Oscar for best director and Wes Anderson or Martin Scorsese gives me that precious golden statue.
Ah, that’s a whole other level to the imagined Oscar acceptance speech – the presenter. I’d like to imagine Sofia Coppola being the presenter for mine, which would be awesome because we would probably be two socially awkward people trying not to make eye contact.
Sadly I’m a little jaded about the Oscars. Though I do secretly watch just to see what people are wearing and what kind of speeches people made. Being the other side of the Atlantic, the only way I’d be able to sit through the entire thing would be to drink vats of coffee. And then struggle with work the next day! I’ll stick to the highlights.
I never think about that as often as I should, that not everyone gets to watch the Oscars live. And I understand being jaded about them. I’m jaded about certain things, too.
I watch the Oscars because I’m a film writer, and it behooves me to tap into cinema’s biggest annual awards show and share my opinions on it. That’s pretty much it. It sounds cold and clinical, but it’s true; the Oscars are rarely if ever exciting, and frankly they’re more about popularity and brown-nosing than they are about celebrating filmmaking at its finest. Neither of those things interest me all that much, at least not more than praising great films and great filmmakers; if I didn’t write about movies, I probably would never watch them or even think twice about the nominations.
Maybe if the Academy strives to make the Oscars more meaningful and engaging, I’ll change my tune, but the show seems lot like throwing a party for yourself than for other people.
“…more about popularity and brown-nosing than they are about celebrating filmmaking at its finest.” While I wish I could say that wasn’t true, obviously it is. I admit I throw on my romantic’s glasses when I watch the Oscars. I like to think of them as Hollywood’s Office Christmas Party. Their’s just happens to be televised worldwide.
Good one, Nick, I never actually picture myself on an Oscar platform, never even crossed my mind. I guess I just think I’d be mortified if I had to get up there and even just make an announcement, let alone giving any kind of speeches. But yeah, I hear ya, I guess I too put of my rose-colored glasses when it comes to the Oscars and just put my cynical hats off for a few hours (though likely I’ll still put it on DURING the show) and try to sit back and enjoy, nothing wrong with that.
Hey, you should take a picture of yourself in that custom-made suit
“..though likely I’ll still put it on DURING the show…” Ha! So true! Why do we do that? I might make my goal to be not cynical before, during and after the show this year. Could be tough, but it’s worth a shot.
My suit actually still needs to be dry cleaned after a minor mishap at the last wedding I wore it to but it’s just minor. Not that bad. You never know…..
I always watch the Oscars but this year, I’m not as excited.
I think unless you really have someone for whom you’re rooting who truly has a shot at winning, they’re just not as fun. Which is why even though in so many ways last year’s Oscars sucked, I loved them.
Well said, Nick. Even in these parts (L.A.), the Oscars is a love/hate relationship. There’s a quote from Richard Brooks’ underrated western, ‘The Professionals’ (admittedly, not a genre that appeals to everyone) that, to me, speaks about us and ‘The Academy Awards’ — to those both in or out of the business of film (just substitute the Oscars for ‘la Revolución’):
p.s., it was Jack Palance, speaking to Burt Lancaster, who delivered the expressive quote.
I love that you quoted The Professionals! I actually just saw that for the first time about 3 weeks ago! Really liked it. It took that turn there when they found Maria that took it in a different direction which I appreciated.
And I liked that quote too but certainly didn’t think of it this context. It works perfectly, though. Spot on!
Glad you liked it, Nick. It’s one of my all-time favorite westerns. Thanks.
Yes. Just yes to everything. *bows and exalts*
Too gracious as always, my friend.
I have definitely practiced my acceptance speech more than a few times, and it has also changed over the years, as I feel more serious or whimsical. Still hoping against hope that I might get to use it some day!
I’d like to think I could be as eloquent as Steven Soderbergh when he won, but I’d either A.) Look as awkard as Sofia Coppola or B.) Get flustered and drop a Melissa Leo-esque f-bomb.
Ahh, love this post, Nick. Totally enjoy your viewpoint. Definitely pipedreams, and nothing wrong with that. I adore that bit of Kate Winslet’s speech.
And you’re right, we all do spend way too much time learning about these people and their roles, but then again, it’s what we love, so why not?
Exactly! It is what we love! The movies! We love the movies! And I wish more people would just treat is a celebration of the movies, nothing more, nothing less.
On a related note, I’m sort of having the post-Oscar emotional crash & burn today. Which is ridiculous, I know, but it’s the truth. I must tell the truth.
I watch hoping that Billy Crystal will do a bit wearing black face, that s%$t never gets old.
What do we reckon? Was that Billy’s efforts to be edgy? Does he just not know any better? Does he still think that gag is drenched in hilarity?
I want to say Robert Downey Jr. & Emma Stone to host but then I’m the moron who thought Franco & Hathaway were gonna kill it. So don’t listen to me.
Nick I don’t know what he is thinking that wasn’t very funny in 1985 and it is even less funny now. I would love to see Neil Patrick Harris host.
This is a great post, Nick!
I thoroughly enjoyed reading it and absolutely identified with it, especially when talking about not ever giving up on dreaming about the movies.
As someone who doesn’t enjoy nor watch the Oscars anymore because of the political nature of it, you made me believe in them just a little bit more.
Oh and thank you for the link to the Bruce Springsteen ‘Follow Your Dream’ video. It was a song that I hadn’t heard before but now I have watched it and the original Elvis version.
Cheers
Thank you! I do believe in the Oscars, probably more than I should.
And on a massive Springsteen-geek note, I’m glad you enjoyed those songs. Isn’t it amazing how Bruce can take that peppy little original and make something so quiet and soulful out of it?
Soulful is probably the best word I would use to describe it too. It’s just beautiful.
It’s funny I was never a Springsteen fan growing up at all but recently over the past year I have been appreciating a lot more of his work.
I think I was stunned into silence for about 15 min after listening to The River.
What would you suggest for a starting point for a relatively new Boss fan?
Born to Run is a great place to start. I personally think it’s important to start with the young, romantic Springsteen and then work your way forward.
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